The Creation Chronicles
by ShortStackEng
Summary: Not your average bible story. WARNING: I was extremely bored when I wrote this! Personally I think it is funny but I am insane so that might play a part. Plz R&R!


My friend and I wrote a little bit of the revised Bible in Religion class, but I kinda think I threw it away or something cause...yeah...I can't find it and I threw all my stuff away at the end of the year. So I will try to remember it and write it down.  
  
I do not own the Bible...but if I did I would be really really rich! And probably really really old too. So yeah (. Oh and any references I make in this book I do not own either. Dang life sucks.  
  
The book of Genie  
  
Once upon a time in a land far far away, believed to be in either space somewhere or in my basement, there was this genie. Now the genie was really really bored since there wasn't anything around...literally. So the genie finally decided to do something about it since, you know, he could, cause he was a genie! And a really cool one at that...I mean he was white with blue hair, not to be mistaken with a weird form of the yeti.  
  
BUT ANYWAYS, so the genie looked around and thought DANG IT IS DARK UP IN HERR. So he flipped the light switch and, BEHOLD, there was light. So the genie looked at it and was like DANG THAT IS SWEEEEEEET!!!!  
  
So the next day, the genie decided to do something else cause I mean since the first day went so well and all. I mean there was light!!!! It was like when the first caveman found some fire and thought and then burned himself but still thought it was cool cause he didn't know any better cause he was a caveman.  
  
Anyways, so the second day the genie looked around. He tried to think what to do, but he had no clue. She he just got some water out of the sink and thought for a moment. Then as he got a great idea to make a ...(writer's block...fill in da blank)...when ...  
  
He spilled his water all over. Since this genie was too lazy to clean it up it just sat there and BEHOLD the world had water. And the genie looked at it later that day the genie said DANG THAT IS SWEEEEEEET, mainly because this genie is extremely easily amused. Did I mention that the genie was a natural blonde? Yup, it's hard to believe but it is true.  
  
The next day the genie got up really really really really really hungry. So the genie got out some graham crackers. THEN! ALL OF THE SUDDEN! A GRAHAM CRACKER DROPPED! HE TRIED TO CATCH IT, BUT IT WAS TOO LATE! THE GRAHAM CRACKER FEEL INTO THE WATER. Then the genie stared at it for a while. At the end of the day the genie looked at the soggy graham cracker that was growing forth mold and said DANG THAT IS SWEEEEEEET because when is a graham cracker not sweet. So the genie claimed that to be his big creation of the day and left.  
  
And please do not go out and start eating dirt because have you ever seen a really really old graham cracker. Not good to eat. And just think that these graham crackers are like billions years old...ewwwy. So please don't sue me especially because I have no money anyways so ...yeah. AND BACK TO THE STORY!!!!!  
  
We left off with Indiana Jones running from a giant boulder that was rolling mere feet from him ready to crush him at any minute! Oh my Gosh Indiana!!!! Run! Run! Run! For goodness sakes RUN FASTER! Wait a minute...he can't die...he still has like 2 more movies left. Okay...I'm good. Wait...what was that...oh we aren't doing Indiana Jones right now. Can we watch it later? We don't have the tape? It is only on T.V. right now? Well then tape it for me ya moron...sheesh...anyways...back to what I really was doing in the first place.  
  
So...what day were we on...OH YEAH! DAY 25...the harsh wind pierced his skin...he couldn't bear the frostbite any longer! He took out his ax and....  
  
YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING ME!!! I GOT THE WRONG STORY AGAIN! MY GOSH THIS IS HARD! Did I mention I had a very short attention span? Okay...now what story are we really on...okay...the creation story. Thank you very much...though you could've told me that before! My Word! Okay...on with the show...  
  
OKAY!!!  
  
Day 4  
  
And then the genie looked around. He looked left and he looked right and there was water (Evian of course) and vegetation (aka moldy mess), he looked down and there was ground (graham cracker ( ), but then the genie looked up. He saw nothing. So he took a light bulb, a big wheel of cheese, and some glitter and made the day and night sky. Now you are probably wondering how those things play into today's society. NO??? Well I am gonna tell you anyways....bwahahahaha. So, the light bulb is the sun...cause it brings light...teehee...get it...light...wasn't that a BRIGHT idea....lol!!! okay...I'll stop. Anyways, moving on, the wheel of cheese is the moon...I know what you are thinking you smart little morons...and I know that was an oxymoron so there...but anyways if you leave cheese out to dry it gets what? HARD! That is correct! And when something is left out for a really really really long time what does it do? PETRIFY!!! Exactly...so the moon is just a big petrified cheese! TAKE THAT NASA!!!! And the glitter is the stars. WHY GLITTER?! WHY NOT GLITTER?!!! I rest my case. So the genie look at it and said DANG THAT IS SWEEEEEEET...and life was good.  
  
DAY 5  
  
So on Day 5 on the creation chronicles the genie looked at the little place he had made and thought DANG...WHY DOESN'T IT DO ANYTHING??? So the genie took out some goldfish crackers (I LOVE THE FISHES CAUSE THEIR SO DELICIOUS...GOTTA LOVE FISHES!!! ) and put them into the water. Then the genie felt like it still needed more so he got out some fried chicken he had in the fridge and reincarnated it so form the air creatures. Now I know what you are thinking...chicken can't fly! #1- Chickens could fly but then genie got mad at them for something to do with duct tape, clowns, a mango, and an Amish man named Jethro. We don't talk about it. And #2- Now whose story is this? Mine...that's right...mine!!! Moving on So the genie was amused and so he said...can you guess it??? YES! He said...WHO LIVES IN A PINEAPPLE UNDER THE SEA??? ...haha...tricked you! Ok...no...he really said DANG THAT IS SWEEEEEEET.  
  
Day 6  
  
Now genie was still amused by the fishes and the chickens and all...but he needed more. So he went and found some gummy bears, some animal crackers, and some Playdough. So now the genie had lions, tigers, and bears...you want me to say OH MY don't you? ...well you will be sadly disappointed to hear that I am not going to put that in. I know you are probably like OH MY. Haha...serves you right. Okay...so ...the playdough...well he knew it still needed something else so he made a self portrait of himself and called it M.A.N. The true meaning behind the letters of M.A.N. is a mystery. No one knows to this day. That is why it is a mystery...GET IT?! Good...ok...so he made man and was like cool...but this place still needed something...so he got out a Barbie doll and put that in there cause everything is better with Barbie(. And genie looked at all of this and said DANG THAT IS SWEEEEEEET.  
  
Day 7  
  
Genie fell asleep. That's it. Nothing too exciting. He ran out of ideas and fell asleep. Amazing isn't it?  
  
And that is how creation came about.  
  
Throughout this story you may have noticed a lot of references to food. Yes genie was a little puggy. And I know the whole thing with gluttony and all but come on...genie wasn't downing down food constantly...but he wasn't exactly skinny...he wasn't committing gluttony. Who said that our society's idea of perfect is what is the truth.  
  
THANK YOU FOR WATCHING OUR PRESENTATION OF THE CREATION CHRONICLES. TUNE IN NEXT WEEK FOR OUR SEQUAL...WHEN GUMMI WORMS ATTACK...OR THE FALL OF MAN (HE KINDA JUST FELL OVER...CREEPY) 


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